How do I pick a goal weight?

How do I pick a goal weight? That’s the question that’s been running through my mind lately. I’ve been at the same weight for a couple of months now. I’m not tracking calories anymore, am running more, and have been gaining and losing the same three pounds.

Some days I’m pretty ecstatic. I pull out my before and after pictures and say, “Wow, I look pretty fantastic!” Other days I come across old photos and think hmm, I had no idea I looked that big. What if I look big now and no one has the heart to tell me?

Or DH posts a picture like the one above on Facebook and I think good grief, I look as big as those other two girls put together!

I started this journey at 263. Had surgery at 236. Am now 155, give or take a couple of pounds. I originally said I didn’t have a goal, but in the back of my mind I thought that 150 sounded like a nice round number. I’m now at “normal” BMI (not that BMI is all that accurate). My doctors say I am at a good weight. My fat analysis shows I’m in the right range.

So what would I gain by losing another 5 pounds? I might be able to fit into more smalls than mediums or into sixes instead of eights. And it would be a cushion against the dreaded “regain.”

But part of me worries, what if I do lose the next 5 pounds. If I lost 5 more, to 145, I would be at the weight I was the last time I lost weight as an adult. Oh heck, if I got down to 135, I would be what I weighed in college. See where I’m going with this? Where does it end?

I talked to my health counselor about this yesterday. She asked what I would need to do if I decided that I did want to lose more weight. I suppose I could go back to tracking calories more carefully. Cut out more carbs? Not sure how that would affect my marathon training. Add in weights?

It’s something I have a feeling I’ll be wrestling with for awhile, and I think others might be wrestling with it too. When was the last time you heard someone say, “You know, I think I’m at the exact right weight right now.” Or “I’ve eaten pretty healthy today, don’t mind if I do have a cookie.”

Why are we conditioned as a society to say, “Oh, I shouldn’t, there are too many carbs and sugar.” Or “Yeah, I need to lose about 15 pounds.”

Part of me wants to say, eat the damn cookie. Life’s too short. And you are perfect the way you are.

Maybe I should listen to my own advice.